Making Visitation Easier For The Kids

Author: Patrick Altoft

Switching between Mom's house and Dad's house can be difficult and stressful for children, but the manner that parents approach transition times can have a big impact on how children react. It is important for parents to realize that children have worries, concerns, hopes and fears about the divorce or separation, and times of visitation can often bring a lot of those concerns to the surface, especially if there is conflict between parents.

Research very clearly shows that the amount of conflict that children are exposed to before, during and after the divorce determines how well children will adjust to the divorce. If the conflict continues or gets worse during visitation times, or any other time, children are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. Children that see parents being civil and respectful of each other are more likely to feel loved, secure and safe and are less likely to have ongoing emotional or behavioral problems.

There are some strategies that parents can use to make visitation easier for children. Remember that the more strategies you use, the more beneficial it will be to your children.

1. Speak positively about the other parent and the time that children will spend with the other parent. For example " I know that you are going to have a great weekend with your Dad because he has special plans", is much more positive than "I know you don't want to go, but the court papers say you have too". In the first sample the child is clearly hearing that you know Dad is a fun person to be with, and has spent some time planning a great weekend.

2. Have the child ready to go on time, and be on time to pick-up the child or children. If you need the children to have a particular item, make sure you tell the other parent so they can be ready, rather than scrambling around at the last minute.

3. Avoid discussing any sensitive topics during the pick-up or drop-off of the kids. Make it short and positive, and don't be tempted to discuss problems or concerns at this time. Remember that this is a tough time for the children, and parent conflict or emotional tension will just make it worse.

4. Keep basic supplies at both houses. Avoid having to pack a suitcase for the children, rather have socks, underwear, pj's, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, brushes and other personal items at both houses. This helps children understand that they have two homes, not just one home and a place to visit.

5. Avoid using the term "visitation" or "access" with your children. This is a court term, not a child-friendly phrase. Try saying "This is your weekend to spend time with Mom" rather than "This is Mom's visitation time".

6. Let the children know that they can call you to say goodnight or just to talk. Avoid calling over to the other parent's house as this can be seen as a sign of distrust. Rather allow the kids to call you, or perhaps arrange a time that you can phone over to say goodnight if the children are too young to use the phone.

Children love to spend time with both parents, and making visitation easier on the kids is one way that parents can begin to work together in their role as coparents to the children.

Jonathan Brown recommends that you visit Common Law Marriage for more information about making visitation easier for your children.

Article Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_41389_35.html

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Enforcing a Child Custody Order Or Visitation Agreement

By Ken LaMance

Violations of a child custody order or a visitation agreement can be serious and sometimes frightening because they might involve actions that pose a danger to the well-being of a child. If you feel that your child is involved in such a violation, you have several options both under civil and criminal law. Regardless of whether the remedy is sought under civil or criminal law, the other party is still entitled to notice and a proper hearing.

Civil Remedies

Civil remedies usually involve some form of monetary reimbursement or court order decreeing that the other spouse do something or refrain from doing something. Unlike criminal remedies, civil remedies are aimed at alleviating the wrongdoings rather than punishing the offending person. Some civil remedies for violations of a child custody order are:

• Contempt of court: The court may hold the violating party in contempt of court if there has been a previous court order involved. Contempt of court typically involves a fine for the violating party, as well as further orders and instructions, such as returning the child to the other parent.


• Injunctions and Restraining Orders: These are court orders which require the other party to take certain courses of action or to refrain from certain acts. These can include orders to stay a certain distance from a child, or orders not to contact the child. The party seeking an injunction or restraining order must usually be able to prove that other remedies (such as money damages) are insufficient to correct the situation.


• Monetary damages: In certain cases, one parent may be able to obtain money damages if the violation has resulted in ascertainable (provable) losses to the parent or child.


• Modification of the child custody/support/visitation order: Sometimes the offending spouse may be in violation simply because the child custody or visitation agreement has no longer become practical. For example, this may be due to a change in employment or a relocation to a different area. In such cases modifying the agreement can be a peaceable way to avoid further conflicts.

Criminal Remedies

In serious cases, the court may opt to enforce criminal sanctions in attempts to enforce a child custody order. Unlike civil remedies, these are meant to punish the offending spouse as well as deter future violations of such agreements. They are typically reserved for more egregious instances such as those involving kidnapping or repeated violations occurring over an extended period of time.

• Criminal liability: If there are criminal charges involved such as kidnapping or false imprisonment, then a criminal suit may be initiated against the other party. A lawyer will be able to determine whether criminal charges lie and whether a criminal suit will likely be successful


• Punitive Modifications of Custody Order: The judge may choose to modify the custody or visitation order, as in a civil remedy. However, under a criminal, punitive modification, the changes will be made in order to reflect a punitive intent to enforce the decree, such as reducing visitation time or eliminating certain rights altogether.


• Posting of a bond: A bond is a certain amount of monetary payment that is issued upon the violating party in order to compel them to comply with the agreement. If the person cannot afford to pay, a lien may be levied against their property such as a house or other valuable possessions.


• Contempt of court: This is similar to civil contempt of court, except that in criminal contempt of court, the violating party cannot avoid jail time by paying a fee. Usually reserved for repeated violations of custody agreements or to enforce prior instances of contempt.

Remedies for Instances not Involving a Custody Order or Visitation Agreement

In some instances, clear violations of the law may occur even before a child custody arrangement has been reached. Although it is always best to be prompt in obtaining a child custody arrangement, in the event that a violation occurs, a parent may take the following action in the absence of an agreement:

Sue for interference: The aggrieved party can sometimes file a claim for interference if the violation has resulted in some form of loss to the parent (usually dealing with child support). This is rarely granted, but some states have statutes covering interference claims. Alternatively, the parent may sue for infliction of emotional distress if the other person has intended to cause such distress through their actions.

Criminal Charges: As discussed above, criminal charges may be pressed if the person in violation has committed some form of crime such as kidnapping. In such cases, the charges may be pressed even in the absence of a formal custody and visitation agreement.

Exercise of "Court Discretionary Powers": In child custody cases, courts have much discretion to make decisions that are in the best interest of the child. "Discretion" means that the court can exercise their own powers of judgment to make a ruling or decision, even if such ruling may be contrary to public policy or case law. For example, the court may make the decision to enforce restrictions on the violating parent or to require additional mandates aside from a regular custody order.

Do I need a Lawyer to Enforce the Custody and Visitation Order?

In some instances, hiring a lawyer is not the parent's most immediate concern, especially if the case involves an emergency such as a kidnapping or if the child cannot be located. In such emergencies, one should contact local police enforcement authorities in order to address the situation. However, after the situation has been remedied and the child's safety has been ensured, the person may wish to contact a lawyer to see what additional courses of action they have.

Even in less extreme cases, a parent would still be wise to contact a lawyer regarding violations of a child custody order. When contacting the lawyer, here are some points to consider in conclusion:

• Determine whether a formal child custody and visitation arrangement has been formally issued for the child and the parents. If none has been issued, it is probably best to obtain one diligently and without delay


• In the event of an actual violation of the custody order, understand the basic remedies available to you, and how they are different according to civil and criminal law settings


• If you cannot arrive at a suitable remedy, the court may still be able to assist you using their discretionary powers in order to issue a different decree

Ken LaMance is the Corporate Counsel for LegalMatch.com in South San Francisco, California. LegalMatch ( ) is fast, free, and confidential. LegalMatch is America's original attorney/client matching service and is not a referral service. When a consumer presents their issue to LegalMatch, our system matches the consumer's case to LegalMatch lawyers in their city or county based on the specifics of the consumer's case, lawyer's location, and area of legal practice. LegalMatch also offers a number of useful resources like an online law library, tips, law blog, and forums ( http://forums.legalmatch.com/ ) on nearly every topic.

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Grandparents and Visitation Rights Issues

By Veronica Scott

Though most people could never imagine life without their grandparents, there are many kids around the world that are forced to grow up this way. There are many unfortunate cases where grandparents are denied visitation with their grandchildren by one or both of the parents. Many things can cause something like this. From divorce to poor relationships between family members, there are a number of things that can affect the relationship between grandparent and grandchild.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are not able to see your grandchildren, you should find out what your rights are. Different states have very differing laws regarding this type of issue so find out what your legal rights are where you live. This is the first step in taking matters into your own hands if you feel the decision made by the parents was unfounded.

In some states you will be able to take a case like this to court to present it before the judge. It will then be up to the judge to make a decision regarding visitation. They can set and enforce the rules surrounding when you can see your grandchildren. Hiring a lawyer can be beneficial if the fight is particularly messy or if you feel you are being slandered or misrepresented by the parents.

Unfortunately, there are many states that do not have these types of things in place and there simply is no easy way to fight the choice of the parents. This doesn’t mean that there is nothing that you can do though. It would still be worth seeking legal counsel to cover all of your bases before giving up. You never know when you may find a loophole.

It certainly doesn’t hurt to seek out a consultation with a professional legal mediator if you are having a hard time communicating with the parents of your grandchild. A mediator can help the family sit down either together or separately in an attempt to come to a neutral agreement. Sometimes parents need to be reminded how important it is for kids to have their grandparents in their life. A neutral party can help with that.

If the issue is because of a divorce between your child and their spouse, it can make you feel like a target of undeserved resentment. Make it clear to both your child and their spouse that you are staying neutral in this matter and only want what is best for the children. Make it clear you are not taking sides and make a point to keep your word on that.

If you have any questions or you are just not sure how to get started in a fight for your rights as a grandparent, call a family lawyer. They should be able to answer questions, address specific situations and recommend you to further resources. It’s important not to allow your personal emotions to get the best of you. All of the moves and choices you make should be based on the grandchildren and what they need most at this time.

About the Author: Find helpful and creative ideas for parents and grandparents while you shop our great selection of kids furniture (including our popular toddler beds and cots) and classic toys. Visit www.TheMagicalRockingHorse.com today!

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Child Custody Visitation Rights

By Sarah Dillon

A parent who does not win custody of the child will be entitled to visitation or parenting time. The amount of time will depend on the circumstances, the distance apart that the parents live and any requests from the parents.

A common award of parenting time is every other weekend but if the parents live far apart then the non custodial parent will get more time during school holidays.

A parent can be denied parenting time if the court considers it is not in the best interests of the child such as when the child may be put in danger or at risk of harm or kidnapping.

If this occurs then the parent may have access to the child only under supervision of a responsible adult or social services.

If parents can not agree on visitation or there is a high degree of conflict between them then a very specific parenting or visitation schedule can be drawn up and approved by the court.

It is sensible for parents to review their parenting plan as the child grows older because the child's needs will change with maturity and this should be reflected in the parenting plan.

When a parent wins physical custody and the other parent gets visitation rights, these rights may be exercised "at reasonable times and places".

This can be problematic because who says what is a reasonable time and place and clearly this puts the parent who has physical custody in a strong position to mess around the other parent.

For this reason courts encourage strongly the parents to work out a parenting plan to ensure reasonable access to the non custodial parent. This plan should be really agreed between parents before going to court to enable the judge to make it part of his order when making his custody decision.

For this reason mediation may be a helpful solution to solve any outstanding issues and it is better to come to a mediated agreement rather than have the court impose a solution.

Mediation should be cheaper than a legal battle and is quick compared to a legal battle which can drag on for months or even years.

It must also be recognised that if the interests of the child are to be put first, then parents who engage in mediation show their children that even though they have broken up they can still communicate like rational human beings and this has a very positive long term effect on the development of the child.

About the author:
Check out child custody for fathers and other child custody questions at http://childjointcustody.com/

Visitation Transition is Stressful For Children

By Molly Barrow

Home transition is difficult for preschool and young elementary children with parents in a conflicted divorce. Stability is the number one effort of therapists performing custody evaluations and yet many judges order multi-week sleep overs or worse, alternating months. Children under three may suspect a parent is dead when they "disappear" for days or weeks. Telephone contact several times a day is essential if a child is missing a parent or seems sad and listless. A couple can rearrange visitations, if the decision is mutual and in writing, to help out children who are having a difficult time adjusting regardless of what the court has ordered

A child does not "get over" being away from a beloved parent, they just quit complaining about it, feel powerless and resentful. If there are substance abuse problems, yet a parent wants to spend time with his or her child, ask for a sober and drug free visitation in court. The next girl friend or boyfriend of your ex-spouse should become your best friend as he or she will sometimes be in charge of your children's welfare and happiness. Never use your children to fight with your Ex, as courts see that as parental alienation and you may lose your visitation rights. At the first sign of a divorce, seek out an experienced and impartial therapist to help angry parents avoid making terrible parenting mistake.

Schedule a fun time at the park or a special time with a new toy that involves parental interaction and expect an emotional meltdown from the stress of transition. Do not punish the child, but try to distract and reassure them that everything is ok. The reaction has nothing to do with loving one parent more than the other, rather it is from stress. Never say an unkind word about your child's parent. Never.

Molly Barrow, Ph.D. has been interviewed on NBC News, PBS, Fox TV and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, New York Times, CNN and Menstuff.org. Dr. Barrow is the author of Matchlines for Singles, Matchline for Couples, and Malia and Teacup, the self-esteem building adventure series for children. To schedule or consult with Dr. Barrow, or to purchase books, please visit http://www.drmollybarrow.com/.

Article Source: Visitation Transition is Stressful For Children

Visitation Agreements When You Are Divorced

By Len Stauffenger

When divorce drives it's nasty fangs into your life, reasonable agreements isn't a topic that sits very easily on your lap. Your own emotions are generally boiling, and it's more likely that revenge would be more on the forefront than reasonable agreements.

But you are growing into maturity with the help of your divorce, and you now have children to put into the first spot where you used to live, so let's do think about reasonable visitation agreements.

The majority of parents love their children equally. And your children blossom under the spell of the love of each of you, so let's consider some ideas about visitation rights after divorcing.

One of the contentious ideas in a divorce is Father's Rights. An ideal fix would be to create two lists: the rights of the parents who has custody and the rights of the parent who doesn't. You both do have rights. Use the internet to see what others have said about this topic. Consider: how much time each parent should have; It would be wise not to schedule too many activities but rather just spend quality time with your child when it's your turn to visit; ought the grandparents be taken into consideration; how?; creating a child friendly home; summer vacations; how holidays will be handled? Topics like these deserve your attention and it's wiser to resolve it before the time arrives than on the fly.

There is not only one way to establish visitation agreements. There is your way for you. There is the court's intervention when necessary. There are different rules in different states. The best way is to arrive at a decision between the divorcing parents. Each parent's attorney can arrive at a mutual agreement if the parents themselves cannot. The most important deciding factor here is the welfare of the children.

If a parent isn't living up to the visitation agreement, the court can be a help in enforcement. Don't allow the frustration over one parent's non-compliance to infect the children. Go to the court for help before that happens.

Three Key Ingredients require consideration: the Schedule, how to make the Exchange, and Communication for issues that arise.

You can modify your Visitation Agreement at any time to be sure the child's interests are considered and both parents should have this as a common goal. In fact, this issue of visitation agreements is contentious and on-going, so your flexibility will be tested here as well as through other areas about your divorce. It might be the only tool left to maintain control over an out-of-control divorce. Your visitation agreement can prevent years of stress and of good benefit for your children, and when it comes to your children, you know how I feel that the kids are the most important part.




In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares with you the simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce and from the raising of his daughters. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. His is a heartfelt, visionary story of the success at the end of his divorce journey. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com


Article Source: ArticleRich.com

Visitation Rights of Divorced Spouse

By Jamie Hanson

In many cases, the father or even grandparents end up getting sole custody of children after a divorce. The child-custodial decisions are made and accepted by a divorce court after scrutinizing the specific needs of a situation on a case-to-case basis. Whatever may be the case, is one parent or grandparents have been vested with the primary responsibility of child rearing after a divorce, the "other" parent will still hold his or her right to visit the child.

The visitation rights are a subject of much controversy, and in cases where the divorced spouses have geographically moved apart or one parent has succumbed to alcoholism, drug addiction, or crime, visitation rights, though in-tact on the legal document, become an issue of much debate very often leading to further legal proceedings against one non-cooperative parent. Many times, the parent who has the "upper hand" may cleverly manipulate the children and the situation to stop the spouse from having any contact with children.

Legal Recourse to Violated Visitation Rights

Considering many problems that may surface after a divorce regarding a mother or a father's visitation rights, an individual as the right to take further legal consultation in any or all of the following situations:

If a parent vested with "sole custody" abandons the child or children.

If a parent with joint custody and child support commitment, refuses to pay child support.

If a parent with sole custody deliberately moves far away from the divorced spouse to prevent any future connection between the children and the other parent, thus violating that person's visitation rights.

If a parent with sole-joint custody refuses to involve the divorced spouse in any issue relating to the child although he or she is legally obligated to do so.

Nasty Post-Divorce Battles over Child Custody

The subject of sharing a child or children after a divorce can get difficult and nasty if the ex-spouses still hold a grudge against each other and refuse to co-operate in matters relating to their children.

In many cases, while counseling one difficult parent before or during the divorce and anticipating further problems between divorced spouses after the divorce, legal and social counselors jointly decide to give "full custody" to only one parent till the child or children grow up to be adults.

In divorce situations, where extreme personality disorders or conflicts have prevented any sharing of children between two resentful spouses, divorce courts have willingly accepted and granted full custody to one parent with the understanding that the child or children, as grown-up adults one day, will make up their own minds about preserving connections with their parents.

Divorce and child-custody related decisions very often leave permanent scars on the minds of the involved family members. All said and done, a family break-up on the first place is not highly desirable and once such a decision has been made, whatever comes along with it must be gracefully accepted by both the spouses.



Writer writes for an Austin divorce attorney who centers his practice on Austin divorce.




Article Source: http://www.articlesjust4you.com

Visitation: Should Your Kids Have A Choice

by Lucille Uttermohlen

"But they say they get bored when they go there."

"The kids don't want to visit with their father / mother."

Judges hear this all the time, but they aren't likely to believe it. It doesn't matter if the kids say that Dad spends the whole weekend sleeping on the couch or that Mom spends her visitation time with her boyfriend, instead of the kids. The court will force the kids to go, and will hold the custodial parent in contempt if they don't. Why, you may ask? More to the point, "why do we have to go?" your kids may ask. The answer is as old as mankind itself.

Parents have rights over their offspring. It is possible that such rights developed in the distant past when it was necessary for children to take care of their parents in their old age for them to survive. It also used to be that families were likely to stay together no matter what kind of jerk or witch the mother and father were to each other and their kids. It wasn't until 1874 that the first child abuse case was reported. Children were considered to be their father's property, and were subject to his whim, even if he was cruel or violent. The case of a 9 year old who was repeatedly abused by her guardian began the slow change that culminated in our modern welfare laws. Animal abuse was already illegal, and it was the "ASPCA" who offered redress to Mary Ellen Wilson by arguing that she was an animal, and hence entitled to the court's protection.

Modern families don't stay together if the parents can't make a life with each other. In modern times, people don't have to stay together if they are unhappy in their marriages. However, society does not permit them to sever their ties with their children as easily. Since both the mother and father can't be present after a divorce, the court has to divide the childrens' time between the parents so they can each at least have some opportunity to share in their rearing. This compromise, for better or worse, is the laws surrounding child custody and visitation.

If a child is being abused in either parent's home, it is possible that contact with the child will be limited by the court. What one judge considers abuse may not be what another one would be concerned about. Some judges have to see black, blue or red before custody of a child can be changed or his / her parent's visitation suspended. Some have to have proof of excessive drinking or elicit drug use to limit visitation. In one case I had, the judge severely limited the mother's time with her kids because a social worker reported that she was "depressed", and that some harm "might" result to the children unless her time with them was limited.

The unfortunate thing is that it is hard to prove some forms of abuse. A child can be psychologically injured without any outward signs of damage. A parent who subjects his child to mental abuse can be as damaging as a physical abuser. The courts can't assume that a person who is abusive or unkind to his / her spouse will necessarily mistreat his / her children. Thus, children are often forced to spend time with a parent they have reason not to like or trust.

The other side to the story is the parents themselves. Divorce is often so rancorous that the truth is impossible to detect. A parent who has a bad opinion of the child's other parent can lie and exaggerate the situation until the child is forced to conclude that the other parent is somehow dangerous or scary. Even subtile indicators, like facial expressions or tone of voice can tell the child that the other parent should be feared and that he / she is somehow untrustworthy. Many times, the child's fear of visitation is not so much his feelings towards the other parent as his fear that the parent who generally lives with him / her will be alone. Kids fear being abandoned themselves, and it is easy for them to attribute a custodial parent's reluctance to cooperate with visitation as a fear of loneliness. The visiting parent is the bad guy in this scenario because he / she is forcing the child to leave when he / she wants to stay to take care of or comfort the parent who is left behind.

Parents should be sensitive to the position they put their children in when they discourage visitation, either openly or more subtley. The child should not have to make the decision as to whether it is all right to love both of his / her parents. The child should be encouraged to feel and express his feelings based on what actually occurs in his life, rather than basing his reactions on what the adults around have said or done to each other. Divorce is hard enough on kids, demanding as it does that one parent is only an occasional part of the child's daily life. Until society develops a formula to separate the child's real needs and feelings from the anger and disappointment that often influence their parents testimony about them in a divorce, the kids will have to take their chances with the legal system. Happily enough, growing up with both parents is usually best for kids.


Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen



Lucille Uttermohlen has learned about the legal and practical aspects of couplehood from her 27 year family law practice. For more articles about the issues facing couples today, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com/ or leave comments on her blog at http://www.couple-or-not.com/blog If you have a question about the law or just need some relationship advice, write to Lucille at lucille@utter-law.com

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A Holiday Custody and Visitation Schedule Template

By Kevin Neade

When parents divorce or separate, they need to make a custody and visitation schedule that outlines the time the mother and father will have with the children. A very important aspect of this schedule is the holiday time. The parents need to make a good holiday schedule that shows where the child is spending every holiday. Here is a template for the holiday visitation schedule for how to do that.

The first step in making the holiday schedule is to decide what holidays to include. The mother and father need to compile a list of all of the holidays they want in their schedule. To do this, the parents should look at national, school, and religious holidays that they observe. Along with this, the mother and father should look at the holiday time they have off from work. This can impact which parent gets a particular holiday. The parents can include whatever holidays they want to from all of these categories.

The next step in the template is to write down the length of the holiday that will go into the schedule. Some holidays can last multiple days, or holidays can even last half of the day. This should be done in accordance with what is best for the child. For example, Thanksgiving weekend can be designated as a four day holiday with one parent, or a half day with each parent on Thanksgiving with the parents splitting the weekend.

Once the length of the holidays are determined, the parents should divide up the holiday time. Each parent should have about the same holiday time with the children. The holiday time takes precedence over the repeating cycle of custody and visitation. This means that if a parent is normally scheduled to have a weekend visitation with the child, but the other parent has the child for holiday time, the parent with the holiday time has the child.

The last thing in the template is how the parents will alternate holidays. Some parents make a new holiday schedule every year and change up the holidays that way. Other parents alternate the holidays back and forth every year. Figure out a system that works for the situation.

Following this template to make a holiday visitation schedule will help parents make a great addition to the custody and visitation schedule. Holidays are an important part of the child's life, and the schedule helps the child anticipate and celebrate them. It also allows the parents to enjoy the special time with their children.


Custody X Change is custody software that gives parents a complete child visitation schedule template to follow. With this template, they can make a thorough holiday custody schedule for their child.

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Visitation: It Shouldn't Be Scarey For The Kids

Copyright © 2010 Lucille Uttermohlen

Your Ex's behavior may seem new and frustrating to you, but divorce judges have heard it all before. If your kids act scared or unhappy when they have to go with the other parent, chances are pretty good that you won't be able to change the judge's order. Only when you can show that your kids were physically harmed or have credible witnesses who can testify that your kids are suffering mental anguish when they see the other parent will a judge consider excluding or even limiting his / her access to the children.

Young children are frequently upset when they are forced to change their routines. When their other parent shows up at the door and drags them away from their familiar surroundings, they might cry and act like their world is coming to an end. This behavior doesn't necessarily mean that they are afraid. It just means they aren't sure what to expect, or why they are being made to leave without the parent they are most used to. A child's fear will often vanish as soon as he / she is distracted by new surroundings.

The judge is likely to lay a child's initial reluctance to leave with the other parent at the custodian's door if it seems that the custodian's reaction to the other parent caused the child's fears. It is easy for a child to pick up on an adult's misgivings. The child does not have the experience to understand adult concerns, and it is likely that he / she will interpret Mom's anger with Dad as a reason to be scared. It is doubtful that a judge will believe a child is in danger with the visiting parent unless there is solid proof.

Parents who want to make visitation a positive experience for their kids can help by hiding their own misgivings. A child takes his cue from the custodial parents verbal and non-verbal assessments of the other parent. He / she will be apprehensive about the other parent if he / she senses that the custodial parent does not regard him / her highly. . If you say, "you have to go to your mother's this weekend or I'll get in trouble with the court," you are telling your child he /she has reason to be apprehensive and nervous while he / she is with the other parent. If you say, "Hey, you get to go to your dad's this weekend," you are letting the child know you think he / she is about to have fun.< If your frown lines manifest every time you expect the other parent to appear, it is like telling your child "you have every reason to be concerned. You could be in real danger. If you can treat the other parent with courtesy, if not enthusiasm, the child is going to be less apprehensive about visiting.

If it is possible, the non-custodial parent should have more frequent visits. If the child sees the other parent more often, he / she won't feel so strange going home with him / her. Short but frequent visits during the week will make the child's transition into weekend stays easier and should be considered if work schedules permit.

There are two sides to every divorce, yours and "Butt Head's". As an attorney, I have heard of many situations that would give me pause if I were obliged to turn my child over to that parent. Both parents have a right to contribute to the child's upbringing, and unless there is abuse, a judge is likely to insist that the non-custodial parent get his / her visitation.

------------------------

Lucille Uttermohlen has had 27 years of family law experience. For free information about the divorce process, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com/ .


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