The Holidays for Kids from Divorce Families

The holiday season is a stressful time for any family going through a divorce or one that has recently been through a divorce. The holidays for kids from divorce families are especially rough because it seems their world has turned upside down. It’s vital that you make sure to provide a great experience for your children. While it can be hard on you, we as parents should not let our troubles become our children's troubles.

This all sounds great in theory but not in the real world. Divorce is a traumatic experience which leaves deep pain that lingers for years. Putting on a strong face and marching your way through the holidays is much easier said than done.

Below I have listed several tips to help overcome some of the stress.

Make a Plan
Planning for the holidays after a divorce takes extra thought. No longer are you just planning on what to do, but now you have to determine when you’ll be able to do it with your own children. A schedule needs to be made showing which parent gets the kids at what time and on what days. It is good to plan this ahead of time so you can still enjoy the holiday season while your kids are with your ex. The holidays for kids from divorce families make it hard for the kids to bounce from one parent to the other, so you need to minimize this as much as possible.

Coping with unexpected reminders
If you have children then you probably had many Christmas with your ex. Most likely you have many memories and decorations of Christmas past. Just be prepared for what you may find while unpacking those Christmas decorations. You may uncover something from your first Christmas, or some pictures from that special family get together or maybe items from an important holiday event. If you are not careful you may get caught off guard by such reminders. You will have to accept the fact that these things are just going to happen. Just be prepared and stay strong. It will become easier in time.

Start a new tradition
The holiday season is about family traditions and a divorce will obviously have a huge impact on your traditions… past… present… and future. That’s why it is so important to start a new tradition… a tradition that involve just you and your kids so that you can move ahead and start new memories.

Still keep the old
While it’s important to start new traditions, the holidays for kids from divorce families need to maintain old traditions as well. You should provide them the stability they need so past traditions are not completely lost. If you can not uphold the tradition exactly as it was, then do not be afraid to modify plans so as to make it work.

Plan for yourself
Because of a divorce you will probably have to go a day or so without your kids while they spend time with the ex and their family. This can be a great opportunity for you to plan some activities for yourself. Some activity you have been planning to do. It may include a visit to an old friend or a short trip to a nearby town. Maybe just a visit to the park or zoo. The winter season always brings out activities that might not be as popular as in the summertime but it can still be enjoyable. Just bundle up for the cooler temperatures. The main thing is to just relax and enjoy yourself.

Visitation Transition is Stressful For Children

By Molly Barrow

Home transition is difficult for preschool and young elementary children with parents in a conflicted divorce. Stability is the number one effort of therapists performing custody evaluations and yet many judges order multi-week sleep overs or worse, alternating months. Children under three may suspect a parent is dead when they "disappear" for days or weeks. Telephone contact several times a day is essential if a child is missing a parent or seems sad and listless. A couple can rearrange visitations, if the decision is mutual and in writing, to help out children who are having a difficult time adjusting regardless of what the court has ordered

A child does not "get over" being away from a beloved parent, they just quit complaining about it, feel powerless and resentful. If there are substance abuse problems, yet a parent wants to spend time with his or her child, ask for a sober and drug free visitation in court. The next girl friend or boyfriend of your ex-spouse should become your best friend as he or she will sometimes be in charge of your children's welfare and happiness. Never use your children to fight with your Ex, as courts see that as parental alienation and you may lose your visitation rights. At the first sign of a divorce, seek out an experienced and impartial therapist to help angry parents avoid making terrible parenting mistake.

Schedule a fun time at the park or a special time with a new toy that involves parental interaction and expect an emotional meltdown from the stress of transition. Do not punish the child, but try to distract and reassure them that everything is ok. The reaction has nothing to do with loving one parent more than the other, rather it is from stress. Never say an unkind word about your child's parent. Never.

Molly Barrow, Ph.D. has been interviewed on NBC News, PBS, Fox TV and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, New York Times, CNN and Menstuff.org. Dr. Barrow is the author of Matchlines for Singles, Matchline for Couples, and Malia and Teacup, the self-esteem building adventure series for children. To schedule or consult with Dr. Barrow, or to purchase books, please visit http://www.drmollybarrow.com/.

Article Source: Visitation Transition is Stressful For Children